Of Babies and Cousins

It's been a while. I kinda have this new guy in my life. His name is Xavier.

Charles Xavier Brohinsky, to be exact. He was born on March 24th, 2012, at 4:30. He was 9 pounds and 2 ounces, and 21.5 inches long. He is absolutely gorgeous and from day one has had bright, alert eyes (when he manages to stay awake, lol).

I've also been helping my sister-in-law through her last few weeks of pregnancy, which resulted in this guy:

Dade Robert is Xavier's closest cousin. They also have a friend who was born a few months before Xavier. This is a recipe for disaster! These babies are all amazingly perfect, and when I hold each one of them I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of awe. The Creator certainly knew what he was doing when he came up with babies.

**BIRTHING DETAILS AHEAD: CONTINUE AT OWN RISK**

Xavier's birth was nothing like either of us expected. I had, of course, been hoping for the birth to happen on time or early, but it being my first child, many were telling me to expect him to be born late. Well, two days before X's due date, I woke up and started to feel light contractions. They seemed to be pretty frequent, so for the heck of it, around 10:00, I started to time them. Sure enough, they were 5 minutes apart and we were off to the hospital. I was amazed at how calm I was. I even told Jesse to slow down in the car because he was going too fast! We got to the hospital and they put me in the really nice, big birthing suite where all the important babies are born (such as doctors' babies... and Xavier). I got settled in, the checked me, and said, "Yep, you're stayin'!"

They broke my water, and I told them I didn't want any pain medications. By the way... water breaking feels so weeeeeeird. It's like the longest pee I've ever taken. Anyway. That certainly sped things up, and once the contractions got harder I was very thankful to have my mother-in-law there to help and my husband there to hold my hand or let me wrap my arms around him. I hated the strap they had around my belly to monitor the baby's heart rate. I hated the strap around my arm that periodically measured my blood pressure. Other than that, I was OK at coping with the contractions. Near the end, it was so intense I found myself growling. I told the doctor that I had to push, and she confirmed that it was time. I think no more than three pushes and Xavier was out! There is no way to explain how it feels to actually push out a baby. It's... a unique experience.

But when they put Xavier on my chest right after he was born... Oh, wow. Wowowowowow... Love has never come so quickly in the history of man. I don't care what anyone says. I knew immediately he was mine, but at the same time, I couldn't help but feel like he was a complete stranger. I examined him everywhere. His toes, his fingers, his legs, his nose, his lips... and his eyes. His gorgeous, lovely eyes that looked around at the world with wonder. I wanted to know more about this little person. Teach him about the world. All at once, I sighed and laid my head on my pillow. Jesse held him and went through the same process. All was right in the universe.

A letter to my baby

Dear Xavier,

It's almost time for you to make your arrival. As we scurry about, trying to get things ready for you, I can't help but just take some time and marvel at how much you've already grown since we first saw you. You're not scheduled to arrive for another month, yet, but I can't help the longing I have just to hold you in my arms. You're my treasure. A gift from God. I can't imagine what life would be like without the anticipation of your arrival. It feels like you're an old friend that I miss, but it feels like you're so much more. You're my baby. My precious jewel. There will never be anybody quite like you, yet I hope you will be so much like us.

It's incredible to feel the love that has grown as you have grown. Each day I become more and more close to you, and the funny part is that I don't even know what you look like yet! You've certainly made your presence known. When you arrive, don't be afraid. The world is big, but you've got a big family who loves you and a big God who loves you, too. I wish I could tell you how much I love you and wish the best for you. Maybe I'm just as scared as you will be. Neither of us know what we're doing, but experience is the best teacher. Whatever happens, you are my baby and I am your mom. Nothing can take that away from us. I love you forever.

Love,

Mommy

The Way Things Are, Used to Be, and Need to Be

It used to be, back in the day, that women who were pregnant expected to give birth at home, maybe with all of their experienced female family members attending, or maybe a midwife. These days, women just assume they will be giving birth at the hospital, where they can be given drugs to dull the pain, drugs to counteract the effects of the first drugs, and eventually just cut the baby out if it won't come in their own time frame.

Disclaimer: I know that these interventions are, sometimes, medically necessary. In those cases, I'm all for having them available.

When did these interventions become "necessary" for every laboring woman? Why is it so difficult for women to face the fact that they were designed to give birth in the way that makes them most comfortable? Not every woman wants to give birth in a hospital bed, lying on her back with her feet in stirrups. Some want to be immersed in soothing, warm water. Some want to be bent over the couch with someone massaging their backs. It seems, though, that insurance companies think hospital births (though almost $17k more expensive than home births) are the only way to go.

What do I think? I think God gave women the ability to birth on their own terms, but either legislation, insurance, or a combination of factors limit the options available to pregnant women. Here is my dilemma: I got pregnant about a month after I got married, so of course it was unplanned. In order to get any kind of prenatal care, I needed insurance, because we wouldn't have been able to afford anything out-of-pocket. Connecticut's HUSKY health plan steps in, and I am on my way to the OB office for my prenatal checkups. Then, I start doing research, silly me, and find out how much lower of a risk it is to have a home birth... and all of the arguments for/against it which I will not bother to put onto this post or else it will become a small book.

First of all, I go looking to see if HUSKY covers any midwives in my area. Well, the only midwives in my area are the ones who work for the doctors at the OB office... and they don't do home births. The best options for me are places about an hour's drive away from me, and I get the feeling that in the throes of labor, waiting an hour for my midwife to show up just wouldn't be fun. But, lo and behold, after WEEKS of research, I find that there are some midwives that are relatively close! They're CPMs (Certified Professional Midwives), but I didn't know the difference at the time.

The difference is that Connecticut doesn't recognize CPMs. Therefore, HUSKY will not cover their services. Before I go on and rant about this, I will take a few seconds to try to calm down.

...

Yeah, ok. So, as I was saying... I find this wonderful lady who is a CPM and has attended the births of many of my friends, but the prospects of finding a way to pay for it with insurance are looking dim. I go to rant about this to others, and they get me started on the whole "it's not safe to birth at home" deal again, which gets me upset... again. When I get upset, I get discouraged and want to just give up. But not this time. This time, my baby is the focus. I want what is best for both of us. I know that this is what others want, too, but it's hard to believe they have been doing the same research that I have or see things the same way or talked to the same people. So what am I supposed to do?

The only thing Christians can do in this sort of situation is give up. But, wait. I don't mean give up. No, I mean give UP! Give the situation to God. I have tried my best and have failed. It is at this point in any situation where people need to slap themselves on the forehead and realize how stupid they've been because they weren't letting God into the picture. So... alright, God. It's your turn now.

And, you know what? I am still a little upset about the whole situation. I'll be honest. But not as upset, and certainly more confident that whatever happens is what God wants. If I continue to push my own will into action, things will just turn out badly in the end. And, like I said, my baby is important. I won't risk forcing my own plans, because only God knows what will happen with my baby. God is bigger. God is wiser. God is God. I need to let Him be God and let me be me.

What's the point of this post, then? It started as me getting my frustration out about the lack of sense evident in CT legislation. But now, it's about something everyone faces: pride. If you're facing an impossible situation, just give it up to God. He specializes in impossible, and he knows the best outcome. I'd be thrilled if I could somehow have a home birth and be able to afford it either out-of-pocket or through insurance... but, y'know what? The baby will come either way. I just have to accept God's plan for Xavier's birth. Getting in that habit now will help me accept God's plan for Xavier's entire life. I shouldn't let my pride get in the way of that.