On Sufficiency

It's that time again. That time of the year when I get pensive enough to record my thoughts for posterity.

Anonymous person lost their job today. Anonymous person #2 had been having issues with taming their children and their finances. Anonymous persons all over are facing obstacles that only they know the enormity of. And yet, somehow, some of them still turn to Christ for answers. That is amazing to me. Amazing that, in the midst of every single day, Jesus is there, waiting for us to turn to Him. Amazing that those who are acquainted with Him so easily forget His majesty and might until things seem hopeless.

Why is it that we wait until we must rely on God's strength to actually do so? He is faithful in even the little things. We don't have to - and indeed shouldn't - rely on our own strength to get us through the day. We are insufficient. GOD is sufficient.

My prayer is this

Lord, forgive me for relying on my own strength. I know now that this is why things have gone poorly. Only you have the strength to do things right. I cannot do anything on my own, but you can do them through me. Please remind me daily. If I need it, remind me hourly, or every minute of necessary, because I am a hard nut to crack.

The struggle is real

Some moms have it pretty easy. Some moms don't even try. Some moms don't have the support they need when troubles occur, so they give up. Breastfeeding is not always a walk in the park. You can research all you want to, but when it comes down to it, breastfeeding your baby is a unique experience between you two. I say this so many times: every baby and every mom is different.

With my first baby, I was new to the whole process sure, I knew how it worked, and the nurses at the hospital did their best to give me advice, but I didn't know why this kid just would not latch. Eventually my sister-in-law introduced me to the nipple shield and we finally found our groove. Before my second was born I started hearing about lip and tongue ties. So when she started having trouble and the shield wasn't cutting it, I suspected that was the issue (I also did research and see pictures of ties which looked similar to hers). Once that issue was fixed, she still had a learning curve to deal with. It wasn't until she was three months old that she really started nursing well. In neither instance was I able to get in touch with a lactation consultant, so I had to find my own ways around these issues.

So, to you new moms, moms-to-be, or experienced pros out there, I have some words of advice. Setting your goal to exclusively breastfeed your baby is a noble goal indeed. But have realistic expectations, because not every baby is going to make it easy for you. What's most important is that your baby is fed so that he or she can grow and develop on a healthy schedule. Also know that there are legitimate health issues which may arise and become obstacles to nursing. But the most important thing I want to tell you is this: don't give up. You have a goal to give your baby the healthiest option fit her first stage of life. Hold on to that goal. It's not easy, but neither is anything worth doing. Even if you can only pump milk or nurse once a day, do that. Love your baby and know that any effort you make is worth it. But if you have to use formula, don't feel disappointed. If that is the best choice for your baby, then that's what has to be done.

To the old pro moms, share your breastfeeding experiences with new moms who are looking for advice and encouragement! If it hadn't been for my sister in law, I would have given up with nursing my first baby. I see so many moms out there with questions and frustrations. Help them. Come alongside them and guide them. We're all in this together.

2014 already?

Wow. I'm terrible at keeping up with blogs. However, now that I have the app on my phone maybe I'll be reminded more often to update! (Don't hold your breath.)

Since my last update -wow- so much has happened. Most notably, Xavier got a sister! Little Kathryn Jane was born on December 5 at 7#, 12 oz, 20.5 inches. It's been a whirlwind since before she was born. She's had mild complications here and there and at three months old we are still monitoring her weight gain.

Life has been full of little and big blessings. We've moved closer to my in-laws and closer to our church, so we've been able to get more involved there. I absolutely love my church family!  Each and every person at CFC is special to me, and I hope that I can be a blessing to them in some way.

Really, when I think about my life as a whole, I can't complain at all. I thank God for directing my steps along the way. I would go on, but it's time to watch Pooh with Xavier, who happens to be turning two in 24 days!

Caio

New year, 2013

Hello, world.

*taptap* Is this thing on? Yes? Oh, alright.

In just two days, my little baby boy, Xavier, will be ten months old. It's hard to believe. I mean, I knew it would go fast, since that's what everyone was saying... but I guess I didn't expect it to be THIS fast. I can still remember him being so tiny. He's become quite the kid, and he is now sitting up, almost standing up, picking food up on his own, stuffing it in his face, and smiling and jabbering all day long. He's my best little friend in the whole wide world!

With 2012 come and gone, people usually like to look back over the past year and remember what significant things happened, consider what they would like to change... stuff like that. I don't like to dwell on the past aside from remembering positive events like:

• Xavier being born
• Thanksgiving in Chicago
• Jesse and I both getting awesome jobs
• My first CFC Ladies' Banquet
• Getting to know more people at church
• Starting my Arbonne business

I'm sure there are more that I just can't think of at the moment. I actually had to think pretty hard to get everything under "Xavier being born." Gimme a break - I just got home!

So what are our goals for 2013? That's a good question. We are still living with Missions on the mind, so to speak. Jesse's new job will still allow him to take classes (and reimburse him for some of the tuition cost). We're not entirely sure when he will have his degree. We've also been looking at buying a house, which is a test of patience in itself. We are constantly reminding ourselves to allow God to lead us to where He wants us to be... and to be content with where He has us currently.

Preparing to be a missionary is not cut-and-dry. You live life like normal, hoping to get to a certain place, save up, pray up, pray some more, and try not to get too attached to any one place because only God knows where you'll end up. It's pretty exciting when you think about it - not knowing all the details. It's like God has a big surprise party waiting for you. Hopefully as 2013 rolls on by, we'll see more details of our future service reveal themselves. Until then, we are blessed to be able to serve at our church in various ways (sound tech, drama, singing, band, nursery, etc.). We love where we are and who we get to minister to and worship with. God has brought us through an amazing journey - and it's not NEARLY over yet!

In Him,

Jesse and Jenni

Of Babies and Cousins

It's been a while. I kinda have this new guy in my life. His name is Xavier.

Charles Xavier Brohinsky, to be exact. He was born on March 24th, 2012, at 4:30. He was 9 pounds and 2 ounces, and 21.5 inches long. He is absolutely gorgeous and from day one has had bright, alert eyes (when he manages to stay awake, lol).

I've also been helping my sister-in-law through her last few weeks of pregnancy, which resulted in this guy:

Dade Robert is Xavier's closest cousin. They also have a friend who was born a few months before Xavier. This is a recipe for disaster! These babies are all amazingly perfect, and when I hold each one of them I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of awe. The Creator certainly knew what he was doing when he came up with babies.

**BIRTHING DETAILS AHEAD: CONTINUE AT OWN RISK**

Xavier's birth was nothing like either of us expected. I had, of course, been hoping for the birth to happen on time or early, but it being my first child, many were telling me to expect him to be born late. Well, two days before X's due date, I woke up and started to feel light contractions. They seemed to be pretty frequent, so for the heck of it, around 10:00, I started to time them. Sure enough, they were 5 minutes apart and we were off to the hospital. I was amazed at how calm I was. I even told Jesse to slow down in the car because he was going too fast! We got to the hospital and they put me in the really nice, big birthing suite where all the important babies are born (such as doctors' babies... and Xavier). I got settled in, the checked me, and said, "Yep, you're stayin'!"

They broke my water, and I told them I didn't want any pain medications. By the way... water breaking feels so weeeeeeird. It's like the longest pee I've ever taken. Anyway. That certainly sped things up, and once the contractions got harder I was very thankful to have my mother-in-law there to help and my husband there to hold my hand or let me wrap my arms around him. I hated the strap they had around my belly to monitor the baby's heart rate. I hated the strap around my arm that periodically measured my blood pressure. Other than that, I was OK at coping with the contractions. Near the end, it was so intense I found myself growling. I told the doctor that I had to push, and she confirmed that it was time. I think no more than three pushes and Xavier was out! There is no way to explain how it feels to actually push out a baby. It's... a unique experience.

But when they put Xavier on my chest right after he was born... Oh, wow. Wowowowowow... Love has never come so quickly in the history of man. I don't care what anyone says. I knew immediately he was mine, but at the same time, I couldn't help but feel like he was a complete stranger. I examined him everywhere. His toes, his fingers, his legs, his nose, his lips... and his eyes. His gorgeous, lovely eyes that looked around at the world with wonder. I wanted to know more about this little person. Teach him about the world. All at once, I sighed and laid my head on my pillow. Jesse held him and went through the same process. All was right in the universe.

A letter to my baby

Dear Xavier,

It's almost time for you to make your arrival. As we scurry about, trying to get things ready for you, I can't help but just take some time and marvel at how much you've already grown since we first saw you. You're not scheduled to arrive for another month, yet, but I can't help the longing I have just to hold you in my arms. You're my treasure. A gift from God. I can't imagine what life would be like without the anticipation of your arrival. It feels like you're an old friend that I miss, but it feels like you're so much more. You're my baby. My precious jewel. There will never be anybody quite like you, yet I hope you will be so much like us.

It's incredible to feel the love that has grown as you have grown. Each day I become more and more close to you, and the funny part is that I don't even know what you look like yet! You've certainly made your presence known. When you arrive, don't be afraid. The world is big, but you've got a big family who loves you and a big God who loves you, too. I wish I could tell you how much I love you and wish the best for you. Maybe I'm just as scared as you will be. Neither of us know what we're doing, but experience is the best teacher. Whatever happens, you are my baby and I am your mom. Nothing can take that away from us. I love you forever.

Love,

Mommy

The Way Things Are, Used to Be, and Need to Be

It used to be, back in the day, that women who were pregnant expected to give birth at home, maybe with all of their experienced female family members attending, or maybe a midwife. These days, women just assume they will be giving birth at the hospital, where they can be given drugs to dull the pain, drugs to counteract the effects of the first drugs, and eventually just cut the baby out if it won't come in their own time frame.

Disclaimer: I know that these interventions are, sometimes, medically necessary. In those cases, I'm all for having them available.

When did these interventions become "necessary" for every laboring woman? Why is it so difficult for women to face the fact that they were designed to give birth in the way that makes them most comfortable? Not every woman wants to give birth in a hospital bed, lying on her back with her feet in stirrups. Some want to be immersed in soothing, warm water. Some want to be bent over the couch with someone massaging their backs. It seems, though, that insurance companies think hospital births (though almost $17k more expensive than home births) are the only way to go.

What do I think? I think God gave women the ability to birth on their own terms, but either legislation, insurance, or a combination of factors limit the options available to pregnant women. Here is my dilemma: I got pregnant about a month after I got married, so of course it was unplanned. In order to get any kind of prenatal care, I needed insurance, because we wouldn't have been able to afford anything out-of-pocket. Connecticut's HUSKY health plan steps in, and I am on my way to the OB office for my prenatal checkups. Then, I start doing research, silly me, and find out how much lower of a risk it is to have a home birth... and all of the arguments for/against it which I will not bother to put onto this post or else it will become a small book.

First of all, I go looking to see if HUSKY covers any midwives in my area. Well, the only midwives in my area are the ones who work for the doctors at the OB office... and they don't do home births. The best options for me are places about an hour's drive away from me, and I get the feeling that in the throes of labor, waiting an hour for my midwife to show up just wouldn't be fun. But, lo and behold, after WEEKS of research, I find that there are some midwives that are relatively close! They're CPMs (Certified Professional Midwives), but I didn't know the difference at the time.

The difference is that Connecticut doesn't recognize CPMs. Therefore, HUSKY will not cover their services. Before I go on and rant about this, I will take a few seconds to try to calm down.

...

Yeah, ok. So, as I was saying... I find this wonderful lady who is a CPM and has attended the births of many of my friends, but the prospects of finding a way to pay for it with insurance are looking dim. I go to rant about this to others, and they get me started on the whole "it's not safe to birth at home" deal again, which gets me upset... again. When I get upset, I get discouraged and want to just give up. But not this time. This time, my baby is the focus. I want what is best for both of us. I know that this is what others want, too, but it's hard to believe they have been doing the same research that I have or see things the same way or talked to the same people. So what am I supposed to do?

The only thing Christians can do in this sort of situation is give up. But, wait. I don't mean give up. No, I mean give UP! Give the situation to God. I have tried my best and have failed. It is at this point in any situation where people need to slap themselves on the forehead and realize how stupid they've been because they weren't letting God into the picture. So... alright, God. It's your turn now.

And, you know what? I am still a little upset about the whole situation. I'll be honest. But not as upset, and certainly more confident that whatever happens is what God wants. If I continue to push my own will into action, things will just turn out badly in the end. And, like I said, my baby is important. I won't risk forcing my own plans, because only God knows what will happen with my baby. God is bigger. God is wiser. God is God. I need to let Him be God and let me be me.

What's the point of this post, then? It started as me getting my frustration out about the lack of sense evident in CT legislation. But now, it's about something everyone faces: pride. If you're facing an impossible situation, just give it up to God. He specializes in impossible, and he knows the best outcome. I'd be thrilled if I could somehow have a home birth and be able to afford it either out-of-pocket or through insurance... but, y'know what? The baby will come either way. I just have to accept God's plan for Xavier's birth. Getting in that habit now will help me accept God's plan for Xavier's entire life. I shouldn't let my pride get in the way of that.